That's intense
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
