would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
only if we run a train.
done.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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