All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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