I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
