wanna go halves on a baby?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
