Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
