sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
