Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
