Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Randomize
