Why is your signature on my underwear?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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