You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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