you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
