Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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