Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
