i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
