Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
