I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
