My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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