Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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