In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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