did you get engaged???
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
