tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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