why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
