I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
