dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Found the puke drawer
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
