threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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