So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
