I accidentally burped into my bong.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
