There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
