I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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