If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
