Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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