I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday