dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.