I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
