Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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