Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
