when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
