what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
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Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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