i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize