I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
