At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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