can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
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The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
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Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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