He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize