Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
