he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
