Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
