Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
