So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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