I could have mohawked her pubes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I intend to get homeless drunk
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
