I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
