New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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