the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
