I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
