Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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