I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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