He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
