these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
