Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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