he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
