Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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