We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
