never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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