I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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