and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
