i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
