..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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