I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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