happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
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Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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