No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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