My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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