we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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